"Accepting others' differences is the first step towards building a more inclusive and compassionate world." - Dalai Lama.
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Reframing is the life hack for living a happier life and improving the lives of the people around you. Here are two examples of how, if you slow down enough and become mindful in each moment, you will become less judgmental of the people you meet by instead considering the circumstances or conditions that lead you to think ill thoughts about the encounter.
The Bad Breath
I attended a networking event a while back; I love mingling, seeing old colleagues, and meeting new people. I wrote a book about networking, so it's undoubtedly a topic near and dear to my heart, but I digress.
I met one person with horrendous breath; I used to, too. To the untrained nose, one might meet a person with bad breath and judge them immediately. Why doesn't this person use breath mints? Doesn't this person brush their teeth and floss? Good god, what did this person eat today?
To the trained nose or someone who has suffered the same fate, I immediately recognized the smell was tonsil stones (Google it if you dare). I used to force myself to cough violently to eject the stinky little bastards; I even stuck my finger down my throat in gagging attempts to dislodge them.
The point here is that this gentleman seemed like a nice guy dealing with an aggravating and embarrassing problem that he could only solve by surgically and painfully removing his tonsils (which I did).
Reflect upon the last time you judged someone for their bad breath. Perhaps the person was suffering the same condition they couldn't help. Did your assumption of their seemingly poor hygiene make you abruptly end the conversation or not follow up? The next time you meet someone with stinky breath, smile (maybe take a step back; it’s okay), and consider they probably know and are deeply frustrated by their condition.
The Loud Eater
I once worked with a colleague in an open office who was a loud eater. Although I enjoyed working with her, her endless noisy lip smacks at lunch irritated me to the point that I left the office for lunch.
My immature, rage-filled journal entries from way back then are embarrassing. Her eating habits were gross. However, I've learned to reframe my thoughts around such annoying habits, and you can, too.
Instead of becoming annoyed or even angry, consider that the problem isn't with the person's habits—it's with you.
The woman I worked with had loving friends and family, a great sense of humor, and talent at her job. Had I known to slow down and be mindful back then, I could have imagined her friends accepting her eating habits. Her husband loved her and committed his life to being with her through marriage. Her family might have lovingly kid her about her habits. It's easy to conclude that everyone loved her so much that they didn't care or perhaps didn’t notice.
So if the woman was loved by so many and they didn't get angry at her eating, why did I? By reframing these negative thoughts and considering her life, I realized the problem was me. The problem was inside my head, and I couldn't get past the chewing and lip-smacking sounds enough to recognize this. My thoughts were the problem and needed to be realigned and reframed.
⭐ NICE INTERVIEW
Thank you to Will Curb at Hacking Your ADHD for the lovely interview on his podcast.
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NICE STACK
NICE SONG
THIS SHALL PASS...
If you ever feel blue, contact me or someone close to you. Understand that as crappy as life can get, it does get better. If you get very dark and are considering suicide, visit 988lifeline.org or call 988. Or Google for support where you are.
Thank you for being here.
Be nice.
Dave.
❤️️
PS: I encourage you to listen to my latest episode of ADHD Wise Squirrels to hear my interview with ADHD Life Coach Dr. Kim Pereira. We covered many topics, including improving productivity, overcoming overwhelm, and getting unstuck. If you enjoy it, please leave me a review, follow the show, and share it with your friends. It’s so vital that we remove stigmas and help people live longer lives.